By Daniel Wallen
I used to be so shy that speaking to girls made me break out in a sweat. It was so bad that if I as much as opened my mouth to say, “Hi,” my vocal pitch went up several octaves. As you can imagine, this didn’t exactly help me woo the ladies (unless by “woo” you mean make them want to giggle, run away, and/or hide).
My troubles were a symptom of a common problem shared by many guys like you: I wasn’t confident in myself. Know the feeling? Let’s give your confidence (and dating life) a helpful shove in the right direction. This is how to ask a girl out and get a yes (almost) every time.
Ground Rules
Your Posture Should Scream Confidence
Most men guarantee a rejection before they even open their mouth because their appearance does not express confidence. Here are some simple cues to help you remember the do’s and don’ts of posture.
Do not:
Stare at the ground
Cross your legs/arms
Slump your shoulders
Fidget
Do:
Keep your chin up
Gaze forward
Shoulders down and back
Chest high
When in doubt, think about how much space you are taking up. Is it a lot, or a little? If you’re not taking up much space, it’s possible you are curled up in a sad little ball (which just doesn’t make you look confident). Take up as much space with your body as you can to reflect that you are comfortable in your body (and this hopefully goes without saying, but keep it within reason — don’t go lying down on the ground in the middle of the bar or anything crazy!)
The Clothes Make the Man
No, you don’t have to be donned in a freshly tailored suit when you ask a girl out. But that doesn’t mean you should look like a slob either. Dress in whatever style fits your personality, but keep it classy. No wrinkled tees, dirty shoes, or other fashion disasters allowed. Don’t sweat the specifics, but whatever you do, dress like the handsome and polished fella you are.
Gauging Interest
Engage Eye Contact
If a coffeehouse cutie catches your eye, shoot a few harmless glances in her direction. Linger for a brief moment before turning your attention elsewhere, but don’t voyage beyond the five second mark unless you want to be labeled a creeper. If she returns your gaze with a smile, this is a good sign that the feeling might be mutual.
Do Not Confuse Kindness with Attraction
Just because a woman smiles at or talks to you, does not mean she wants to take your friendship to the next level, so don’t get your hopes up without good reason. Not sure if a friend likes you or not? Ask her out and if she says, “What, like a date?” reply, “Yes!” without hesitation. Confidence is sexy (and even if she says, “No,” at least you’ll know for sure).
The Approach
Keep It Simple
Don’t try to be funny and forget about impressing her. Women are attracted to men who are confident in their own skin, so bending over backwards in an attempt to “wow” a woman will probably just make her think you are trying too hard. Take a few deep breaths, think to yourself, “No big deal,” confidently walk up to her, and say, “Hi.” For bonus points, find something about her to compliment (maybe she has a neat tattoo, an expressive smile, or a witty t-shirt?).
Does Popping the Question Sound Terrifying?
If you’re worried about appearing nervous, let’s make your approach as quick-and-painless as possible. March up to her and say something like, “Hello! I know this is a bit random, but I just wanted to say you caught my eye. I’m running late for a meeting/work/class/(you get the idea), but I’d love to get your phone number if that’s okay?”
The Big Night
Don’t Take a Sporty Woman to the Opera
Did she say yes? Sweet! Let’s get ready for your date, you fine hunk of man, you. Do some homework before the Big Night arrives. Ask her about things like favorite movies, sports, musical genres, and hobbies. This way, you can disguise your detective work as small-talk and surprise her with a perfect night out that fits her interests.
Are You Listening, Ogling, or Waiting for Your Turn to Speak?
Keep your eyes on her eyes when she speaks. I like breasts just as much as the next guy, but resist the urge. If you show her what a classy, interesting guy you are, you’ll have more opportunities to check those out later. AndREALLYlisten to her! Listen actively, smiling and nodding in the appropriate places, and be ready with follow-up questions that show her how thoughtful you are. First impressions are huge, so don’t blow it!
Keep It in Your Pants
If you’re both ready to hop in bed together after the first night, I’m not gonna stop you. Different women have different comfort zones when it comes to s*x, so I can’t give you a sweeping suggestion for when s*x should become a serious consideration. That said, don’t push the issue if she isn’t ready. If you really like this girl, don’t blow it in a moment of overwhelming libido. I know it’s hard to be patient but remember: everything is better when you have to wait for it (plus it will be a lot more fun when she isready … promise!)
Post-Date
No Mind Games Allowed
There is no “best time” to text or call after a date, so stop over-analyzing it. If she likes you, she will be more than happy to hear from you, no matter when that might be (Note: if the first date was a Grand Slam, you’d be wise to say, “Hi,” the following day and schedule a follow-up date ASAP because momentum is your friend). The only rule? Don’t be clingy. Confidence is hot, so keep calm and cool.
Daniel is a personal trainer and freelance writer who helps busy people makeover their habits for a healthy and happy life. Click here to contact Daniel if you are in need of shareable content or would like to apply for his online coaching program.
