Many women believe that they can only attract a certain kind of man. This usually stems from an underlying mental reaction to the things our ex-boyfriends have done. While we may find ourselves attracted to similar types of guys, we can break the cycle.
So, if you’ve decided that it is time to find a different kind of man for yourself, the first thing you need to do is make a list of all of the attributes you really want out of your next relationship. Be as detailed or as vague as you’d like.
Just make sure you are honest with yourself as far as what you want. Be realistic. If you want him to show up on a white horse, carrying a sack of fresh strawberries and cacao from Spain, you might be getting a little too detailed.
After you’ve made your list, check out these five ways to attract the man who is perfect for you rather than settling for the same type of guy.
#1) No Excuses
You met a really nice guy. He has almost everything on your list, but your number one item on the list is that you don’t want a man who has ever cheated on an ex, and he has. You try to tell yourself that he only did it once, and he felt really bad.
Dump him. I don’t care how man of your friends no a girl who knows a girl who ended up with a guy who once cheated, but she was magically never cheated on by him. The point is, you have an item on your list, and he doesn’t meet your personal standards.
Never make excuses for a man. Remember, you are no longer going to settle for anything less than what you’ve designed in your head. Keep your standards to help you find the perfect man for you.
#2) Get Interested In What He is Interested In
You don’t have to change everything about yourself, but it would be nice to talk to the type of guy that you are searching for. Otherwise, you may have a run-in with “the grass is always greener” syndrome. When I first decided to change what I was looking for, I realized that I didn’t have much to talk about with the “nice” guy.
This is mainly because I never really was able to express myself in past relationships.
If you are looking for the man’s man, start paying attention to football. If you are looking for someone who is in tune with your favorite music style, start researching more than just the sounds that you like: look into the background of the artists and why these songs were written. This will give the two of you tons to talk about.
Continuing a conversation with a man is a great way to get his attention. He will ask you to coffee or dinner to continue a conversation. It really does work.
Additionally, as the relationship progresses, you will find that you do more things together rather than him going to a concert or watching the game with his buddies.
#3) Always Be Yourself
I know I just said to get interested in what he is interested in, but it is important to never lose sight of who you truly are. While you can learn and grow and become interested in someone, you aren’t really changing yourself.
However, I know many women who seek a certain kind of man, so they dress differently, act differently, and fake interest in things. This does not help you attract a man.
While we may say in post-breakup defeat that all men are dumb, the truth is, they are really smart, and in most cases, those we are truly looking for will be able to see right through any disguises we put on in order to attract them.
Attract him with your natural personality. Give him the opportunity to understand who you really are. Relationships built on masquerading never really last long.
#4) Explore What You Want to Change About Yourself
I can hear you now: “I’m really getting mixed signals from this article.” Ladies, it is important to know who you are, yes, but it is also important to know that everyone in the world is capable of improving. Sure we hear all of the time that we are perfect because we are flawed, and we are human, so we can make mistakes.
Of course this is true! However, in order to grow as human beings, we should always learn from the mistakes we make.
This can be translated over to how we act in relationships. After a particularly confusing breakup, I once asked an ex why he never took me out. He replied: “You never wanted to go out.”
Of course, at the time, I argued against him, but then I realized: I never really did want to go out. Every time he told me about a movie or a concert, I dismissed him, and told him that I was exhausted, and I just wanted to stay at home and snuggle. Yet, I’d always get angry at him for not taking me on dates.
Whoa! It was as though lightbulbs were bursting as epiphany after epiphany came at me like waves.
I promised myself that in my next relationship, I would be more conscious of what a man offers me and less bitter about it.
It is essential to reflect on relationships, and understand what we must change about ourselves.
#5) Make Yourself Available
If you’re like me, you can be pretty oblivious to a man hitting on you, especially if he is doing it in a passive way to ensure that you are not uncomfortable. I cannot tell you how many times I received a message from an old friend saying “I always wanted to date you, but you seemed so uninterested in me.”
What?
Out of the seven or so men who said this to me, I wanted to date at least four of them. I just kept myself shut. I didn’t truly believe that a man would be interested in me like that.
It is important to make yourself available to the men you are interested in. If one comes up to talk to you, make sure you engage in that conversation. Make eye contact. Give him non-verbal signals to encourage him.
You don’t have to make the first move, but you do have to let him know that he has the green light to make the first move.
